In honor of National Poetry Month, I recently embarked on a little passion project, 15 Days of Poems. A challenge to dig into the dusty corners of my heart and pump out some honesty. I hope you enjoy these + that they resonate with some part of you.
with all the courageous bits of me,
You'll find bits of your soul,
like glitter left behind after
all the lights have turned off at the party.
Don't concern yourself with sweeping them all up.
They'll serve the world better
when left scattered.
When your aorta aches from all the pieces of itself it's left behind
remind your body
that our hearts
they expand every time
we choose to give them away
When I am running I am thinking about how easily I trip
My shins know bruised like my hands recognize paper
When I am driving I am thinking about the car accidents I have witnessed
Like rain drops hitting the glass
I lose track of both quickly
When I am breathing I wonder how strong my lungs are
I gamble on the day they will no longer be big enough to hold up my chest.
I am forever waiting for my body to fumble
My body is forever waiting for me to live.
ON LIVING ALONE PT. 1
Some days you will dance in your empty living room
Open all the windows and thank the sun for not being too tired to stay for dinner
Other days you will dead bolt your doors
Sink into walls
You will fill your empty bed with the few honest bids of yourself you can muster
You will hopscotch between these days
Until you cannot tell the difference.
ON LIVING ALONE PT. 2
Do not think about the boys who turned your heart into skipping music boxes
Do not think about the men others say you keep missing
Take up the practice of talking to yourself
Learn to let your own voice boom
Learn to love the sound.
ON LIVING ALONE PT. 3
Cook all the curry you want
Steal the sheets
Drop the dishes
Cry in the shower
Cry on the floor
Refuse to sleep
Until the magic goes to bed
You have no one to apologize to.
At first, you will be scared to ask the questions with teeth
You will want to stay all smiles
You will want to always answer "fine"
You will wish away the dangerous
You will ask broken to take a leave of absense
You will ask jubilee to wake up every morning
Eventually you will become strong enough to not ghost
You will become courageous enough to teach others
All the beauty in staying.
I have tripped over myself enough times on my way to love
To know that I do not have ballerina toes
I have always been the fumbling
The bleeding knees
I buy bandaids like candy
And trust that love doesn't care how I get there
As long as I'm on my way.
You cannot domino your way into becoming
It is a slow and often painful thing,
this making your way back to yourself.
It will require patience
A willingness to live in all of your skin
A willingness to love yourself back to whole.
There is no monopoly on bravery
You can be the risk taker
The dream maker
You can be the one who leaps
It is not reserved for a few
It is yours
Reach out and take it.
We don't have control over the rhythms our hearts choose to beat in
We don't have a say in the way our bodies magnet to one another
We were built to weave
Like tapestries of wonder and adoration
We were built for together
You do not owe another human any part of you
The kind of love that grows out of obligation
will only drown you.
The most courageous people are those who
have learned when
to walk away.
When all your words have been dried up
and you're hanging on breaths
as if the goodness on your lips
possesses no expiration date
there is enough to go around.
She is not a figment of your imagination
She is not idea or metaphor or story
She is not the trinket to be collected
or the puzzle to solve
You cannot solve her
and you cannot sample her
She is the kind of strong
that will never let you take what you like
and leave the rest.
You will spend your day letting the wonder win
You will drench yourself in silver linings
You will root yourself in truth
like your ability to paint someone’s tomorrow
every shade of lavender
and the glory that will always be worth waking up to
You will muster all the courageous bits of yourself
and show up
You will trust that alone
is transforming worlds.